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Brain Dead Attorney

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+1 (3 votes)

Sometimes a deposition can be outrageous:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

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Don’t Mess with Zombies

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+2 (4 votes)

Plaintiff paid to enter a haunted house shortly before Halloween. She walked through the maze of amateur actors dressed up in scary costumes, jumping out at her intermittently. She testified at her deposition that she went alone, hoping to have a more scary experience. She claimed that one of the “zombies” inappropriately touched her breasts and crotch, causing her emotional distress. She filed a lawsuit, claiming sexual harassment. She agreed to dismiss the lawsuit when she saw the videotape of her entering the room where the zombie was. The tape showed the zombie simply making scary movements, but not touching her as she claimed. It turned out that the zombie was filming himself at that time, because he wanted to show the video to his teenage kids.

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CRAZY EXCUSES FOR CALLING IN SICK TO WORK

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+2 (4 votes)

A likely story

While half of employees say they have a PTO program that allows them to use their days off however they choose, nearly a quarter (23 percent) still feel the need to make up an excuse to take the day off.

And make up excuses they did. Some of the more memorable excuses employers received this year include:

Employee just put a casserole in the oven.

Employee’s plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some “tweaking” to get it just right.

Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.

Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.

Employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.

Employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was.

Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.

Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.

Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.

Employee accidentally got on a plane.

Employee was walking out of his front door and a bird flew into his house.  He had to stay home to catch it!!!!

What are the crazy excuses you have heard???????????

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HEARING LOSS OR GROSS BUGS IN THE EARS

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+4 (4 votes)

We received a hearing loss claim from a man who worked at the airport on the ground near the runway who had been on the job for two months. He was required to wear protective earphones but complained of hearing loss since he started the job. He was sent to an audiologist and it was discovered that he had an extreme wax build up that was not work related. But, inside the wax was a huge dead COCKROACH!!!! It made me cringe reading about it! Of course we denied the claim. But, how gross and filthy hygiene habits did he have.

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Robbery Stress Claim

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+2 (4 votes)

We received a claim from a fast food restaurant. An employee filed a stress claim after an attempted robbery. That sounds reasonable and acceptable. What was odd was the way the “robbery” ended… A man walked into the restaurant at 6:30am and pulled out a gun and demanded all the cash in the register. The employee/claimant turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The gunman simply walked away! Claim accepted!

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BEES ATTACK THREE EMPLOYEES AND A NEIGHBOR!!! THE BEHIVE IS THOUGHT TO HAVE OVER 800,000 BEES

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+4 (4 votes)

A massive swarm of bees attacked four people in southern Arizona killing one and hospitalizing another. The landscapers’ were using a lawnmower and edge trimmer, which might have angered the bees.

Two landscape workers were found in critical condition outside a residence One of the workers had collapsed and was having trouble breathing when emergency workers arrived. Both were rushed to a local hospital, where one of the victims was pronounced dead. The injured second victim was believed to have been stung more than 100 times.

A bee exterminator later located a large hive in the attic of the house where the men had been working. The exterminator said the hive — about 4 feet wide and 6 feet long — was about 10 years old and had approximately 800,000 bees inside. The homeowner, a 90-year-old man, was evacuated and is now staying with his daughter.

A third landscape worker and a neighbor were also attacked.

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High Beams

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+4 (4 votes)

Plaintiff’s car had overturned and fell down an embankment, hitting the corner of a house. He claimed that he was not negligent, but rather, Defendant was negligent for having her high beams on, which caused him to lose control. Defendant took the depositions of two witnesses who testified that the Plaintiff was speeding. Once of the witnesses had been out walking and testified she had to jump off the road because she was afraid the speeding car was going to hit her. The arbitrator ruled in favor of Defendant. The insurance carrier did not have to pay.

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PLAYING POSSUM

VN:R_U [1.9.1_1087]
+4 (4 votes)

We received a workers’ compensation claim for a Car Salesman. He was walking the car lot with a prospective client who was checking out the used cars. The customer asked to see under the hood. When the car salesman opened the hood a Huge POSSUM was in side the engine and snarled at him. He was so frightened he dropped the hood but fell backwards down onto the pavement. He hit his head and injured his back. He lost no time from work but has been constantly harassed since the incident by co employees.

He has now filed a Psyche claim stating his coworkers are playing the song “Muscrat Love” from Captain and Tenille very loudly on their cell phones. They Put a Redneck Possum recipe on his desk and asked him to bring it to the potluck. They put a raccoon skinned hat in his desk drawer to scare him again and the jokes are apparently relentless.

I can’t wait to read the recorded statements from the coworkers.

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